Wednesday, August 27, 2003

I should talk about my partner. He is somewhat older than I--13 years--and we have talked about some of the implications of that as we get older together, he entering old age and I still in middle age. I think he worries about my finding other lovers and possibly leaving him. There isn't much I can do other than assure him of my abiding love, in which he believes, and the power of his own incredible love for me. I have been knocked around quite a bit in life and have NEVER been loved the way this man loves me.

I try not to use cliches, but it really IS like a great wave crashing over me. Just to be enclosed in his strong embrace is theraputic--a healing touch and a transforming, protective, liberating power. He remains as he has been throughout his life: a creative, vital presence in the lives of the many people he touches via his teaching and sponsorship of gay events and programs. Built like an oak tree, he makes love with the passion, skill and delight of a 30 year old. I don't care if I gush, he is an extraordinary and treasureable man.

Now, do I desire other men? YES--I'm a gay man and my life is filled with wonderful, desirable men. He's told me many times that "sex happens," meaning that he knows some infidelities are possible, maybe inevitable, during any long term relationship. We have both had make-out sessions with some of the guys who gather at his property for the sweat lodge & dinner nights, the Labor Day weekend and New Year's house parties. But we have never taken things further than that. I have learned to deal with my desires. Maybe some day we'll do a threesome. I loved those before I met him and I know that lovers can actually become closer when they share the body and affection of another man. One thing I know for certain is that I will be with him through to the very end, whichever of us goes first. I won't let anything ever come between us.

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